Nafthali + The Palo Alto Parent
Losing My Brother, a Sufi Parable, and the Kid Nobody Is Actually Listening To

Losing My Brother

I don’t like to bring this up. My brother took his life without warning. No notice, no letter. I only found out because I had just made a phone call to my dad to ask about him — and my dad said he was already gone. I hated him for years. The type of hate you can only have for someone you really love.

I was angry at myself for not being able to do anything to prevent it. Angry at him for not giving me a chance to change his mind.

But as time went on, I realized my brother did leave me with something. It wasn’t material, like a note. It was a special kind of love that he gave me while he was still alive, which pushed me to do great things. That love gave me confidence to try new things, color outside the lines, be a little different. I realized my brother wasn’t selfish. He didn’t owe me an explanation. He already gave me more than I could have ever asked for.

That perspective changed something in me.

So I decided to pay it forward and help mentor young adults that don’t see the genius trapped inside of them. And teach their parents who see it, but can’t make their kids believe it.

The Sufi Merchant and His Keys

It’s like the story about the Sufi merchant who lost his keys and was looking for them under the streetlight. When his nephew came out to help, he asked his uncle if he remembered where he lost them.

“Oh, yes,” the uncle replied. “I dropped them over there. But the light is so much brighter here.”

A Conversation in the South Bay

When I was living in the South Bay, I overheard a conversation at a table across from mine. Two parents sitting with their kid’s therapist. The mom was crying into her latte. The dad was silent, jaw clenched, clearly agitated. And the therapist was just sitting there nodding, taking notes.

The mom kept saying that her son has every advantage and every resource available to him — and he’s throwing it all away.

All I could think about was that the mom was describing symptoms, the therapist was imaging and drawing up a disease, but no one — absolutely no one — was actually listening to the kid or paying attention to what he wanted to become.

The Education System’s Blind Spot

That’s kind of what the whole education system is like. It focuses so much on the obvious factors — where the light is, like in the Sufi story — test scores, essays, career paths. While the key, which is who these kids actually are and their purpose in life, gets no special attention.

After mentoring so many students, I’ve come to learn that most kids know where they dropped their keys. They know who they are. They just need someone they can trust to give them the confidence to walk into the dark and get them.

Continue Your Journey

• Captain’s Log #001: The Manifesto – Where everything began
• Captain’s Log #002: The Flywheel Nobody Talks About – Why purpose programs fail

Covenant of Education is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit dedicated to purpose discovery for teenagers through the 7 Teachings framework. Learn more at coveofedu.org.